The words I write are just my way of amusing myself....

The words I write are just my way of amusing myself but in the back of my mind I sometimes think of them as a mini autobiography about myself and that someday, someone in the future will read these notes and learn a little about me. I guess I shouldn’t be writing them using a pseudonym.

Did you know that Michigan has purple trees? That’s right, trees with large purple leafs. They’re so gorgeous that they drew me into thoughts of wanting to taste them, thinking that they would taste like big flat, grapes. They didn’t. But I have now found a quick and easy way to induce vomiting.

I wonder if you didn't know how old you were, how old would you be.
For me, the answer is eighteen. I'm frozen there. I may look older on the outside but inside there's a late blooming, young teenager just becoming aware.

I am thinking about starting a new band. One that plays a very special new kind of music: You’ve heard of Mariachi Music, well my band will play Marionette Music. All strings.

Sometimes people that are heavy are said to be retaining water. I saw a woman the other day that looked like she was a retention pond.

I know a guy named Bud, he’s kind of fat and his pants never fit him right. Every time he bends down you have to be subjected to his butt cleavage. That’s why I call him Bud Buttcrack.

Taking a nap in the afternoon is like creating your own inner cosmic black hole. Void of thought or light.

I was watching ESPN at about 2 a.m. last night. Mostly because I took a nap earlier in the day and it interrupted my normal sleep pattern. They where showing a women’s softball game. I found it very interesting that one team was sponsored by a local meat market from a city here in Michigan, Beecher. The other squad had a very telling team name. The game went into extra inning and the final score was: Beecher Meats 1, and the Ball Busters 2.

Did you know that the hole drilled and corked in the side of a whiskey barrel is called a bung-hole and that there’s a store named Bung-hole Liquors? I’d have to be really drunk to go there.

P.S. Bung-hole Liquors is located across the street from Fat Bob’s Gym and BBQ and the transsexual auto-body shop, Gender Benders.

Read more stuff at http://stephenjamescomedy.blogspot.com